**just to be clear, i'm not calling anyone's child a loser. It was just the only thing that I could think of to write in place of the word "war"**
I’ve been MIA on here for far too long, and for literally no reason other than anything I’ve wanted to write has felt like I am just complaining or bitching about something or someone. I was afraid that #MilfAndCookies would turn into a negative site and that is the last thing I want!
But I’m back bitches! And while i don’t wanna seem like a Debbie downer, this post is going to be about an eye opening experience I just recently had and I think its important that I share it with you all….
If you guys are anything like me, there’s someone or something in your life that is a trigger for you. Mine happens to be a person and it happens to be someone that will not be out of my life any time soon, if ever. Which, is obviously THE worst situation imaginable. ANYWAAAAAAAYYY…for the last couple years I’ve been dealing with things on and off and just the last couple months, I’ve found myself in a dark hole of obsession and depression and literally nothing was helping. I had been praying, asking God to help me shake whatever the fuck this was (and still somewhat is). I expected it to better right away, have an answer to the problem, a cure. But obviously that didn’t happen. Then finally, it hit me.
ROMAN!!!
While I’m spending all this time focusing on myself, how I feel, what will make me feel better, comparing my life to this other person…other people, I stopped putting my son first and man oh man did that moment make me feel like shit. THAT felt like rock bottom.
Roman is literally the best human on this planet. He’s naturally smart, literally hilarious, so handsome, and he has no idea how talented he is! He loves me unconditionally, even in my lowest moments. THAT is something to be proud of. Anyone can have a child, but it takes a really awesome person to raise a child the right way. So, although I’m feeling paralyzed, like my career is at a complete stop, I look at Roman and all of that disappears! Yes, I do want to be the best person possible for him, be able to provide for him. And while I don’t think that having a child means putting your dreams aside, it definitely DOES mean that you sacrifice things to put your child first. Their education, their hobbies, teaching them things that only parents can teach, putting your phone down to pay full attention to them, making lifelong memories! THIS is what is important!! Am I perfect at doing this? Not even close!! But it took me getting to that place to really shake me. Which means I’m in the right direction. Because everything is temporary, and while I long for fame and fortune (and I still will pursue this), Roman is THRIVING in school and baseball and the best thing I can do is do everything I can to give him every opportunity to be the best he can be, be his number one fan, and love him unconditionally through it all!! He will be valedictorian of his class and get drafted to play MLB! I’m claiming it, manifesting it, and believing it!!!! All of that aside, I want him to look back and remember his childhood as the best years, and me as the best mom that did everything she possibly could for him!
So I guess my “lesson” for all the readers here, is…focus on your children, and their happiness. That is where you will find yours!
Till next time,
(Hopefully not another 8 months)
xo
AP
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